I really couldn’t tell you the last time I had the flu. It has been too many years and the memory of how it felt was expunged from my brain. So every year when it came to be that time when on the news you would hear about flu vaccines, I would be smug in my thoughts of Pssshh flu shot…I’d way rather have soy chai tea latte from Starbucks. Well although I’m sure all of you may think the same way as I did, I am here to shed light on the truth. The truth that overpriced, over caffeinated and over hyped beverages are simply not the best combatants for influenza. Darn. It was upsetting to me too.

Thus I found myself sitting in the office of a certain urgent care center in town. I don’t want to name any names, so let’s just call it Poclantic. The nice people at Poclantic told me upon arrival that the wait was going to be at least two and a half hours. So I sat and waited, and with every passing minute I could feel myself slipping—slipping into the realms of fever-induced insanity, morphing into some sort of Gollum-like creature lurking from my chair. Hours went by as I watched what seemed to be very healthy people go in before me. I silently became very impatient and greedy, and with head in hand, I began to think crazy things. That is my turn! Mine! My precious! My time to see the doctor!

I was thoroughly confused on the hierarchy of urgency they apparently have at Poclantic. One girl who was literally frolicking through the office went before me. If you can frolic, you can wait. Another asked one of the nurses to change the office TV channel. If you can focus on the TV, you can wait. Then the rest of the office was all laughing at the aforementioned frolicking girl at one point in time. If you can laugh, you can wait. If you can even smile, you can wait.

At hour marker two and a half, I had most definitely remembered what the flu felt like and also remembered why I chose to forget it. I knew my fever was high as I was nearing delusion. If I had in fact fallen into a hallucinogenic state, as I was most positive would happen if I was not called back soon, it probably would have gone something like this:

I instantaneously was no longer in my seat in the cold and sterile Poclantic waiting room but was whisked off into a strange but beautiful psychedelic field where the people had small heads and really big hands. All the colors of the rainbow were in everything. The band had green beards and wore groovy bell bottoms. There were song lyrics and Blue Meanies flying through the air, and Ringo used the hole in his pocket to save Sgt. Pepper’s band out of some weird snow globe thing.

So maybe that wasn’t so much my possible hallucination as it was a scene from The Yellow Submarine, but speaking of the Beatles, you really need to go to the theatre on March 16 as Classic Albums Live presents Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart Club Band. It is going to be glorious.

Anywho, before I reached the point of no return, I was called back. I had a 103 degree fever, and guess what, the flu. Curse you Starbucks.

So the moral of the story here is, get yourself a flu shot. It really is worth it, unless you like feeling like your head is stuck in an oven and the rest of you body is stuck in the freezer, all the while little flu meanies are beating down on your achy joints. The more important moral of the story is take some inspiration from fever-induced insanity and go see some Florida Theatre shows. Get well soon Jacksonville!